I am going to start this post with a disclaimer. My friends and I decided to play the Let’s Make a Story game on TikTok Live, and the story below is the outcome. Please read with caution; this is feral and chaotic, and if you decide to read further, I am not responsible for your therapy bill.
We dedicate this story to Viper, who sat and listened to this being written on Live – you really are a glutton for punishment. We love it.
Once upon a time, in a kingdom far away, there was a goblin who loved to gobble gobble on jumbo sausages whilst munching on the biggest kebab of its life, that tasted a wee bit funky. Terrence forgot to check the expiry date of the meat, which made his willy furry and mouldy. Which made him say a wobabobob all the time. Which smelled fishy, when it went dumpster diving in a gash.
Terrence had many issues in his life, which stemmed from his mother eating soap in front of him, and his dad eating a mouldy block of cheese, and every time he thinks of talking, he just releases bubbles. He also likes to recreate things from books he reads, like Lights Out, but fails every time, because he likes to kiss men and every time someone looks at him funny he shouts Avada Kedavra, hoping this time it works, but this time it knocked him sideways, making him do a somersault shouting a wobabobo KEBAB! Then he broke his bones and had to go to the hospital.
Twas the night before the next day a random Friday if you will and there wasn’t a soul around, so Terrance thought it would be the perfect time to open the portal to Freida the frogs lilypad party and the feral children where nowhere to be seen there was just a random humming from the fridge, he didn’t want to open it but the curiosity was killing him so he stepped up slowly and found a tentacle dildo in front of him, and on that note he flew back saying “fuck me look at the size of that!” This was too much, and so he turned and ran out of the house screaming “mummmyyyyyy” he then fell over and hit the ground, and went “ow that hurt.” Then everything went black, just like the last time his wife sat on his face. Apart from this time, when Terrence woke up, he spoke with a different accent. Which goes like “awobabobbob.” He turns to the side and sees that the tentacle dildo came with him and that it was talking to him, saying, “pssssp occypuss, come fill my occypuss, fill me with your fluffy stuff. Hit me with your mouldy sausage.” Flap flap flap. was the sound effect as it slapped his mother’s face.
Terrence jumped up and ran as fast as his little goblin legs could take him, then he stopped dead in his tracks and realised he’d turned into the gingerbread man. He then shouted, “I’m a real boy, somebody come, and gobble gobble me up. I like a ginger nut and a cup of tea, with some milk and custard. But when I say milk, it’s not really milk & when I say ginger nut, that’s just a euphemism for my love of big hairy ginger balls.” Although Terrence’s best friend Derek misunderstood Terrence’s love for balls and signed him up to join the local football team. Derek had a wife called Jemima who really wanted to introduce Terrence to their local swingers club. During this time, Jemima, Derek & Terrence all made a god-awful mess in the middle of the road, and it was puddletastic. It was brighter than expected. Suddenly, it blew up and went kapow and released its liquids everywhere. There hadn’t been such a huge white tidal wave since Bonnie Blues’ baby shower.
There was the sound of sirens coming from all directions, and Jemima stood up straight and said, “Ooooo, the strippers are here.” Jemima then shouted ” hoiyaaaaaaaaaay just like that, Terrence, faster, faster, faster they can’t catch me I’m the gingerbread man. Be careful not to get me too wet, I’ll break.” It was at this point that Terrence turned back into a goblin, leaving Jemima shocked. Jemima had an irrational fear of goblins, and the shock made her spontaneously combust. Derek was very upset & sad, so he found a new wife called Beeswax. Terrence started crying and said, “Aww, I didn’t get to finish.” Terrence then turned around and bumped into Pinocchio and said, “Please tell me lies so I have something big to finish myself on.” Then he ran away. Terrence hid in his little goblin hole, where he was greeted by Derek, and they got it on until sunrise. Whilst Beeswax watched, and then they decided to have a three-way.
It was shortly after they came to completion that they realised the portal to Frieda’s lilypad party was still open, so they ran and ran and ran til they all fell down the hill into the portal, and they all landed arse-first on tentacle dildos. And went ooo that’s squishy as they fell into blackcurrant jam, little did they know that they were meant to be making strawberry jam and not blackcurrant so they opened the pantry to make other and jam to which donkey was in the pantry having a giant orgasm which flooded far far away and all they heard was ahee ahww, ahee ahww and oh then shrek in the background going oh yes donkey such a good ass, followed by ooo yes donkey don’t stop don’t stop, ey up donkey you’ve got more than that. Harder Donkey.” Whilst Violet stood in the background, going, “The muffin man is wet!!” whilst she records the orgy of Shrek, Donkey, the 3 blind mice and Fiona.
Shrek, Donkey, the 3 blind mice, and Fiona realised this wasn’t the first time they got into this situation, after getting the paternity back from Fiona’s latest litter of ogres. Terrence, Derek and Beeswax waddled away because they didn’t enjoy the orgy with Shrek, Donkey, 3 blind mice & Fiona. So they wandered into a kink dungeon, where they found Fiona sucking off Lord Farquad with whip cream at the ready, and pink fluffy handcuffs.
Terrence rubbed at his eyes, not believing what he was seeing. How did Fiona get there so quickly, and why was the room spinning? Once Terrence stopped rubbing his eyes, he realised he wasn’t actually a goblin, he was an 18-year-old boy who had passed out after drinking too much beer and eating some funky mushrooms. The 18-year-old boy was called Bobby, and he decided it would be best to go and see a therapist about the dream he had.
And then Shrek woke up and saw it was all just a dream.
The end for now…stay tuned for the next adventure.
Written by: Letty, Shann, Hannah, Beth, Jade, Miki, Becky, Kaitlyn, Tanya, Amelia, Holly, Violet, Sophie and Nathan.
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